You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2007.
Well, we’re no longer trying. We’re arrived.
I am still in a sort of state of disbelief, though with the appetite I have it’s pretty obvious.
I don’t remember being sooo hungry with the other two right at the begining.
This one is different already I think. My body feels a little less in shape but a lot more healthy. I eat healthier now and get more sleep than I used to also.
We went out and looked at some names and are trying to get used to the idea of one more. I don’t know when to really tell the kiddos yet. I guess when I start having some morning sickness something will need to be said so they don’t think I am sick or something. I don’t have any real symptoms yet except the appetite thing. Hoping it takes awhile before that stuff kicks in.
Why does it always seem like the good goes with some bad? This has been the toughest month since we started our businesses. Slow slow and slow. Makes me feel nervous.. Trust the Universe, Trust the Universe, Trust the Universe! Everything will work out the way it should I need to Trust the Universe.
And then, when do we tell our friends that we’re expecting? Hmmmm I’ve already told a couple people that I know will be supportive. I am holding off on any naysayers.
We are the most fertile couple I know. Now, I gotta stop drinkin’ the coffee again.
I’m a little freaked out, but happy.
Mother’s Day was good. I tested and found out I’m pregnant, and had my own mom in town visiting. She is happy for me.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I was never what I’ll call a girl’s girl. I don’t have a lot or even a few close female friends. I do have a great support group though.
We call it a tribe. Within the ‘tribe’ there are women who I’d say are very close friends of each other. However, loyalty to the tribe really does exist and as a mother when I’ve needed something it’s been there and when others have needed I’ve done what I could.
I miss having someone who gets ‘me’ though. Someone who I really relate to or feel I understand. At least in marraige, I feel that I have a lot of that in my partner, but it’d be nice to find outside that too.
Up until recently, I’ve been defending our parenting choices (now known as alternative parenting) by saying ‘well, we’re hippies’. Let me state here for the record. I have not now, nor ever been a hippy! I hate patchouli, don’t like the grateful dead at all, could really care less about tie dye, or the shaving thing. I don’t, didn’t and won’t do drugs. (Through most of college I would have said my drug of choice was MEN! But then after I swore I’d never get married or have kids, I found the right one and well, now I guess he’s my drug of choice.) But back to the hippy thing. I really wish the whole baby wearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, no tv watching, healthy eating bunch of us had more women like where I came from.
Where I came from was listening to loud music in combat boots and joining mosh pits. I was an art student that lived on coffee for the first part of the day, and screwdrivers for the second half. Mostly I ate veggie burritos or chicken soup; two things I knew how to cook. I had my bed in my living room because it had the best sunlight for photoshoots/ which frequently happened in my bed featuring men without clothing.
funny.
I went on to grad school and did a lot of artwork centering on gender issues and the complexities of growing up a girl. In grad school there was what I called the ‘girls’ club’ I never did make friends with any of them. Though, two that I know of have kids now too. I was always irritated with them because they knew all the feminist criticism/ and art theory but I felt they didn’t walk their talk. I spent most of grad school trying to make ’smart’ art, get laid, stay drunk and become a badass mountain biker chick. Graduate school made me feel really stupid in a lot of ways, but mostly because I never mangaged to make one female friend. I never ‘got’ their artwork which was worse because often it was assumed that just because I was a girl I would get it. It’s been 8 years now since I finished Grad school and I feel like I’m still trying to learn some of the lessons I should have then.
Those darn pee on a stick tests. They say you can test 4 days before…but then I think that’s to get your money. I stood there straining to determine if I could see the faintest of lines… Is it a line? Is it white? Would it show if I was pregnant yet? or not? Now, I have to wait a couple days like I should have anyway. Those pee on a stick tests are too expensive for me to try again tomorrow. Aunt Flo isn’t even due till the 15th.
So I have to wait to see whether or not we’re preggers yet. I have a feeling we will be; we’re the most fertile couple there is.
I think I am trying more and more to find ways to be ‘wild’ in my new SAHM life. Wild isn’t the same thing it used to be. For instance, I had to get my annual exam and later that day we had sex in the art studio. I can’t say those two things ever happened in the same day before. Either I’m a lot less uptight about those exams or even a little attn. down there is a good thing after a couple kiddos. Ack.
I don’t know about three kids after today. Quinn pooped in the baby pool, which might have been okay if Eva hadn’t tried to clean it up.
“I didn’t use my hands mama. I used my pants.”
Quinn came inside, naked, to tell me he needed to use the ‘toe-let’. His backside was smeared with poop. I told him it was a little late to use the toilet at that point and cleaned him up. Then, I asked him where the poop was; “In the pool.”
And yet, I want a third one? hmmmm… maybe.
Other news: Just finished reading a book that moved me. It’s called Mamarama and well, it was about all things that interest me. Sex, Music, and Motherhood. 
I let my house go to hell while I sat on the couch reading. My kids ate chips, queso, cherry tomatoes, avocados and taquitos for two days. I didn’t cook, clean, or do anything remotely domestic. I did have sex though…there’s always time for that.
Now that I’ve finished the book, I finally cleaned my kitchen, the bathroom and started some laundry. I feel like I am back in touch with the person I must be somewhere inside still.
I used to say all my creative juices came out in my breastmilk. Now, that I’m not nursing anymore and my juices are mine again (creative and otherwise) I know that there was some truth to that. The book confirmed I’m not the only creative spirit to have felt that way.
Alright, so the past two days pushed me to my limits as a parent and pushed me to seriously question how much I want a #3. They were shrieking through the yard and house, chasing each other around tables and frequently hurting themselves and each other. All of this was because they didn’t nap. How would I get a poor baby to sleep when I have these crazy people screaming and running into things?
It was a weird couple days anyway. We ‘tried’ because the timing was right, but now I’m hoping that I might have a few more months to really think this through more carefully.
