You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November 2008.
I have:
a good marriage
healthy kids
passion
plenty of wine
clean clothes
an art studio
love
a big backyard
a grapefruit tree
an orange tree
a big bed
a warm blanket
art
a library card
food in my pantry
jeans I look good in
a happy baby
tea
a quilt
a cool book bag
music
a farmer’s market close to me
plenty of cloth diapers
hand made bowls to eat from
flowers growing in my backyard
seeds for more flowers
family coming for the holidays
So much going on I don’t know where to start. How about a little list?
Kid number one – just got her first call back from her first casting call after her first two lines in her first play!
Kid number two – turns four tomorrow, wants a dinosaur he can ride in the backyard for his birthday
Kid number three – took 5 steps today before falling on her well padded behind, grinning.
and the not so exciting stuff- the Mr. is going back to Texas, while my parents are here for Thanksgiving.
We were just there a month ago, yes, for my 20 year reunion, to spend time with my husband’s parents, for the kids to see their grandparents and the grandparents to see them, see the new baby again- She crawls now. It is good for his mom to see the sweet little baby, we hope. His mom, the MIL I have argued with over barbies (which I think we’re giving for Christmas), commercial images on clothing, videos, our choice to homeschool and countless other subjects, is losing her long battle with colon cancer. I’m grateful we were there last month, that my kids spent two nights with them while we went out. Eva confided that they played games on the computer while we were out and she told them not to tell me. Right now I don’t care. Right now, I would happily have arguments for the next 10 years over how we are raising the grandkids. I would happily leave her to play on the computer with her grandmother every night of the week if it was possible. Why don’t we figure this shit out till it’s too late?How important is it if they give my kids donuts for breakfast when we are there and sneak the baby some cookie bits? You could have told me, I wouldn’t have listened. and now… 2 weeks to 6 months is what is left…
The only constant is change.
That seems to sum up the last 6 years of my life pretty well, but where will I be in 20?
Why is it that the older we get the less adaptable we become?
Can we train ourselves to embrace change? Even in myself I see this new tendency to stability. I used to pride myself on the fact that I lived in 11 places in 3 years and all that I owned could fit in my truck. I thought that it was cool that the guy I was seeing lived in his truck and showered at the gym. (One of my friends did point out that that technically made me into a homeless guy…and well, I eventually married him too)
So, we’ve been thinking about this whole security thing and our own fear of commitment of youth compared with this desperate desire to plunge roots into the ground of adulthood. I know that some of it is that I have worked hard to get here. I don’t want to sacrifice anything unneccessarily but I don’t want to be holding onto anything out of habit either.
I think that I would have felt suffocated by all of this when I was younger, but now it fits me. Contentment is starting to mean something different. Sometimes I feel panicky about spending a day doing stuff I vowed I would never be stuck doing, but then I look at the alternatives and I prefer to be where I am.
Right now, I am starting to clean out my office to make it a bedroom for my almost 4 year old boy. I feel like a mom and I’m getting more okay with that lately
