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seems to have heated me up too. I’m feeling like an animal in heat these days. My brain has been taken over by S.E.X. It’s a good thing we got that whole reproductive thing taken care of after kid #3.
and it’s not like all of a sudden a bunch of crazy kinky things are happening over here or anything. The Mr. has been out of state working, so we’re barely hitting twice a month over here, but it’s all that I can think about. How did I go from ‘what’s sex?’ in May to ‘can we lock all 3 kids out of our room for like an hour?’ now?
Is it the monsoon season? The heat? The truth to “absence makes the heart grow fonder”? That I am drinking more? The fact that a guy 17 years younger than me flirts with me at work? I dunno….but the combination is apparently working and the switch has been flipped.
Now what to do with all this energy? Since I can’t do it 4x a day like we used to…and. It is way powerful. I forgot how much sexual energy swirls in me since it left even though it was for just a few months that it was gone. It feels overwhelming now. I feel like every single person I talk to can see right through me and know that I am just ooozing sex, dripping sex, looking at any man strictly on a ‘does looking at him do anything for me? basis’ - if I can only properly harness it all I could rearrange this life. Serious manifesting energy swirling. It is all creation energy. I can feel it tangibly, like electricity, bringing my thoughts into reality before I know how things happened, in ways totally unimaginable. (not like all that ‘the secret’ financial crap, but what I really think about….and dang…. instant karma for the kids, flowers from the husband and major psychic hits)
I need to get control, and let go of all control. Trying to take it into the next level, in meditation because I know this energy could be turned around and go up, up, up. But it’s soooo hard when my focus is so physical. My skin on the fabric of my clothes, the feel of every sensation, my breath, my breathing, following my breath. Breathe. Breathe. My mind: “um….breath on my neck”….and back to my breath, but then I feel my tongue in my mouth and my teeth with my tongue and there I go thinking of biting skin and tongues and you get the point… But I feel the potential if I can follow the right road here (which I probably can’t until fall, but then the energy will be different and so will that level of power in me) so for now, for tonight…I need to go wake up my husband. mmmmmm, I hope he doesn’t mind. and if he does ….. I can always try meditation again, but damn it’s fun to have a body this go round.
When my life is on shaky ground, my libido evaporates. Maybe everyone’s does, but for me, this is new.
In the past, nothing, and I mean nothing could affect my needs for physical pleasure. It didn’t matter if I was feeling emotionally distant from whoever I was involved with…that was a separate issue to the needs at hand. I used to also say that I didn’t need a man for anything but that one particular thing. I had a good job, hobbies, friends…the one thing I wanted from the guy in my life was a good orgasm and if he couldn’t deliver, well, he was just a friend then.
So, now fast forward 10 or so years, I married the guy that happened to do that one particular thing way better than anyone else ever could have. And now, I can’t get out of my head and back into bed, or wherever it might be likely to happen…the parking lot of the science center, a second grade classroom, church, off the side of the highway…you get the idea.
So, I have some serious ::::NEEDS:::: but everytime I think we might be going somewhere that they might be met…damn, he has to go say something that reminds me of all this shit we are going through financially right now and then I’m stuck in my head and can’t get out. Then the to-do list is running and my list of complaints I have about shit he didn’t do while I was working….that I would have got done if he’d been the one working and I was home all day…
Now, how the hell (without batteries or indiscretions) do I get back to that happy place? Someone tell me, please. I haven’t gone this long since I was single!
